Seafood?
by iamsupergirl2
Summary: Bella is a very curious person, especially when it comes to Edward's vampirity. Edward knows that. He is also aware that Bella is full of surprises... And to think, all this drama started just because they were watching "Animal Planet" one innocent morning... (Fanon/Pre-Wedding (BD)/One-Shot)


**AN:** This is one of the weirdest ideas I've ever come up with and I don't even know why I'm uploading this for the world to see; it's a perfect way to lower my self-esteem, but I think (hope) you'll laugh.

**One-Shot  
****Eclipse/Breaking Dawn | Summer (Pre-Wedding)**

* * *

**Bella's POV**

It felt odd to have nothing to stress about. The feeling was so foreign. In fact, now I was starting to get stressed about _not_ having anything to stress about.

School was over, graduation had passed by, and now that Victoria and her crew of newborns had been taken care of, it seemed like a huge burden had been lifted off of _everyone's_ shoulders, including mine.

Alice was so much more pleasant to hang out with since she wasn't constantly looking into the future, checking and rechecking everybody's decisions and possible dangers. I hadn't blamed her for her moods – I'd probably have been annoyed, too – but her cheerful self had returned, for which I was grateful.

The rivalry between the pack and the Cullens had calmed down, too, even if it was just a little bit. After the alliance for the fight against the newborns, everyone seemed so relaxed about life in general. I knew the wolves hadn't stopped their patrolling – it was their duty anyway – but they weren't persistently on edge or waiting for a rogue vampire to unexpectedly spring out of the trees.

Of course, the wedding preparations were probably the only things that irritated the hell out of me, especially when my soon–to–be sister was dragging me from this end of the house to the other, but as long as Edward was with me, I wasn't going to argue.

_Jacob_ . . . I winced. Jacob was a touchy subject. I tried not to think about him or annoy Seth too much about his whereabouts, but I missed him. And I was worried for him, even though I knew he wouldn't be coming back anytime soon.

I pushed the thoughts of my best friend to the back of my mind. I'd hurt him enough with my idiocy and selfishness.

My mind automatically wandered back to Edward. He'd left after I'd woken up this morning, informing me that Alice needed him to check his suit for fitting. I'd been too lazy to protest at that time.

He hadn't mentioned then how long it would take, nor had he texted me with updates, but I was fine on my own for some time.

I used the advantage of his absence to sort through some of my things to pack. The process was going slowly. Every time I pulled out an old photo album or hideous artworks from my childhood, I would get distracted and sit on the bed for several minutes, sifting for memories or giggling over silly pictures.

Edward had said that the transformation sent the human memories to the back of the mind until sooner or later, the reminiscences became nothing but a black void. I'd witnessed Edward struggle for memories buried way back whenever I'd requested him to share a bit about his past life.

I added these memories to the fresh ones. After all, my transformation would instantly cause me to distance myself from the people I'd shared these memories _with_. Decades later, they would be lost _forever_. I couldn't afford to lose the only thing I had from them.

Billy, Jacob, Angela, Phil, Charlie and . . . Renée.

I sighed, a lump forming in my throat, before flipping over to the next page.

A tiny smile tugged on my lips. I looked ridiculous in this photograph. I didn't even know why she'd kept it. I'd probably been two, before I could even talk, sitting up in the filled bathtub with suds piled up on my head. My toothless grin aimed at the camera looked absolutely absurd.

And I'd been naked.

How embarrassing.

"You looked cute."

I jumped in alarm, slamming the album tightly shut and gasping in horror. Edward stood behind my shoulder, grinning down at the now–closed photo album. He was dressed in different clothes than I'd seen him this morning.

"How long have you been standing there?" I demanded, gripping the book so tight I was afraid my knuckles would break.

Edward's smile grew wider and he climbed onto my bed in front of me where I sat cross–legged against the headboard. He stretched out sideways, across the width of the bed but let his feet touch the floor.

"You don't want to know." he replied smugly.

I groaned. He was probably right. I cursed myself for not being more attentive to my surroundings.

He leaned on his side, facing me, and propped himself up on his elbow, smiling. "Don't feel embarrassed," He reached for my hand. "They're just your baby pictures. In fact, you should be glad that you have any in the first place."

"That's not what I meant," I defended myself. "_You_ weren't supposed to see them, that's all."

His face fell. "Why not? I love looking at your pictures. They're just tiny pieces added up to make who you are now."

I huffed and shoved the photo album under the pillow.

Edward's grin returned and his eyes turned slightly glazed. "I especially loved that Halloween picture. You made a very convincing Countess Dracula."

"It was _my_ idea to dress up like that." I announced proudly.

"Of course it was."

I stared at him carefully. He didn't sound sarcastic or exasperated, mainly amused.

After our agreement in our meadow the other day, when he'd offered to change me that very same day, Edward had seemed completely at ease and maybe even eager for my permanently joining his family that way.

I knew that a part of him still hoped that I would remain human. He wanted to 'preserve' my soul or some other nonsense. I didn't need a soul. All I needed was him. Our connection was too deep and strong to be affected by something as silly as losing my soul.

But whenever I'd subtly brought up the topic of my transformation, he didn't argue. He didn't grit his teeth or change the subject. He accepted it in stride.

It was nice to see that he was finally over this issue.

"I'm sure Renée had something else in mind," Edward guessed.

"A princess," I snickered. "The costumes were dreadful."

He grinned. "Even at that age, you were so repulsed by girly things."

I nodded.

"Oh," Edward added suddenly. "I also found that picture of you in the park wearing that horn hat particularly –!"

I shoved his shoulders and he "fell" back against the bed with a laugh. "That's enough. No more commentary on those photos."

I swung my legs over the bed and started for the door. Anxious to get myself off the topic, I changed the subject.

"So how'd it go with Alice?" I called back over my shoulder as I walked down the stairs. I assumed he was still in my room but when I reached the last few stairs, he was suddenly there, waiting for me.

One day, I would be as fast as him. And then I wouldn't have to feel so surprised and insecure about my human tendencies anymore.

Edward shrugged lightly, reaching up to slide his arms around my waist. He lifted me from the last couple of steps and twirled me around before setting me on lightly on my feet.

"It went alright. The fitting was perfect. I didn't expect anything less and I don't know why Alice insisted on trying it when she _knew_ it was correct."

"She's a perfectionist." I smiled into his chest.

"But all that's over and we're free for the rest of the day," he informed me, smiling slyly. "Is there anything you had in mind for doing today?"

I nodded.

"What's that?"

"_Nothing_," I responded with a yawn. "Or we could watch TV and make fun of people."

Charlie was gone for the day which explained the quietness of the house.

Edward laughed, carrying me bridal style (he'd been doing that a lot lately; I'd stopped asking him why) to the living room.

I loved snuggling with him, whether it was in bed, the meadow or on a couch. Despite his frozen body, he always remained tender and gentle.

I flipped through the channels, looking for something good. Perhaps _Romeo and Juliet_ or some other Classic movie. Edward would hate it, but I knew he wouldn't mind sitting through it for me.

"There's not much of a selection," I commented. "Sports, news, cartoons, movies – ooh, Animal Planet."

I settled back against Edward's chest to watch.

This just might be quite interesting.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

This was so boring.

Of course, I wasn't actually paying any attention to it, but if I had been, I knew it would be boring.

I resumed my attention back to Bella who was staring at the screen, absolutely captivated. The look on her face was beautiful, her lips parted with wonder and her chocolate eyes sparkling in delight, but I couldn't understand what was so transfixing about _Animal Planet_.

On a day before I'd met Bella, my mouth probably would have watered at the sight of animals, my teeth ripping effortlessly apart their flesh to devour their blood, but I held a much more alluring and fascinating creature right here in my arms. And I wasn't referring to Bella's blood.

My mind was pleasantly blank of any useless thoughts as I buried my face into Bella's hair, inhaling the intoxicating fragrance of her shampoo mixed with her blood and just her natural scent: _freesia_.

I smiled and trailed kisses from under her right ear down to the soft skin of her neck and across her shoulder. Even though she hadn't removed her gaze from the TV screen, her breathing and heartbeat, so in sync, were becoming quicker, but I wished to fully distract her, or at the least, receive a quick kiss. Besides, it had been several hours since our last kiss.

Utterly unacceptable.

I removed my hands from her hips where it had been clutching the material of her tank top into fists. With one hand pinning her down to my lap to prevent her from twitching, I used my free hand to gently brush her long hair over her right shoulder, exposing the back of her neck and other shoulder.

I reversed my trail of kisses this time, starting at the tip of her shoulder, to the base of her throat and the back of her neck. I pressed my cold tongue to her skin, and as expected, she shivered lightly in my arms, but unfortunately, her gaze didn't waver.

I frowned, rapidly formulating another tactic.

I began to lightly brush my fingertips across her bare arms, knowing that the chill of my skin would tickle hers.

Just as I began to stroke the sliver of skin exposed between her tank top and pants, I felt her shaking in my arms.

I retracted my arms immediately, wondering if she was colder than she let on. I twisted her in my lap, ready to apologize profusely, but when I finally got a glimpse of her face, I realized she was shaking with silent laughter, her eyes locked on the screen.

I followed her gaze, now paying attention to the TV, curious as to what was amusing her greatly.

She was still watching Animal Planet. And the channel had switched to a documentary of marine life. The camera was positioned under the sea, displaying an array of colourful fish and other aquatic animals.

I focused on the commentary.

". . . can be found almost in every place where there is freshwater. This is a perfect example of a healthy and clean marine ecosystem. There is a very big variety of aquatic animals in this particular sector. Lobsters, schools of fish, sharks, starfish and jellyfish... But there are predators above. The surrounding forests make the fish vulnerable to predators such as bears and . . ."

My gaze snapped back to hers, wondering what had caused her smile. I was about to ask her, but two seconds later, she let out a quiet giggle – so quiet that I may not have even heard it had I not been watching her.

I touched her arm to gain her attention. "What's so funny?" I murmured.

Bella didn't answer. I wondered if she had even heard me since she hadn't glanced my way.

I tried again, "Love?" I traced her beautiful smile, anxious to know the reason behind it. I nudged her once more. "What are you thinking?"

The seconds ticked by, and she only grew more amused in the silence. A low growl began to rumble deep in my chest when she remained quiet.

How I hated the mysterious barrier that hid her thoughts from me. It was frustratingly ironic that as a mind reader, the only one's thoughts I longed to hear were blocked from me.

Thirty seconds later, she still hadn't said anything.

I gritted my teeth impatiently. I grabbed her sides and shook her as gently as possible.

"Bella," I urged. "Tell me what's so funny, please?"

Startled, she turned to look at me as if she'd just noticed my presence.

"Oh, Edward," she exclaimed, a huge smile turning on the corners of her mouth. "I forgot you were here."

Her eyes roamed my face quickly, pausing a beat longer at my mouth, before she apparently couldn't handle it anymore and burst out into laughter.

Bewildered and annoyed, I frowned at her, instantly feeling self–conscious. "What on earth is going on?"

Bella only doubled over further in her hysterical giggles, her ringing laughter echoing in the empty room.

Instead of revelling in her beautiful music like I normally would have done, I was deeply irritated. I wished she would tell what was happening. Did she not know that she could tell me anything?

She clutched her stomach in utter hilarity, showing no sign of ending her giggles.

I didn't move from my position as I stared at her silently with my arms crossed over my chest and lips pursed.

After exactly two minutes and thirty eight seconds of never ending laughing, her giggles tapered off into brief, occasional bouts of laughter.

My legs were stretched out along the length of the couch and my back was resting against the arm while Bella was sitting sideways on my lap. She fell back against the couch, facing the ceiling with a huge grin, as she struggled to control herself.

With the other hand that wasn't pressed against her stomach, she fanned herself lightly.

"Are you going to tell me what is so amusing now?" I growled.

She grinned, covering her mouth with her fingers to stifle it, and shook her head.

I felt my mouth drop open in protest. I'd waited _this_ long for nothing?

"Why not?" I demanded. "I want to know what you found so humorous. Please tell me?"

She simply shook with silent laughter again and made a move to get off my lap.

"Not so fast," I ordered, pulling her back down and pinning my arm across her waist. "First tell me what was so funny that had you laughing for three minutes straight."

"I'm afraid it'll make you mad," she confessed, her tone anxious, but her eyes glazed over a second later, and she was back to her laughing.

Was she insane? Was she really going to keep laughing and not give an inkling into her thoughts?

Shocked, I questioned, "Why on earth would it make me mad?"

"It's about _you_."

Now I was really curious. "What about me? Tell me, sweetheart. I promise I won't be angry."

"Well," she hesitated, eyeing my expression worriedly, even though the mirth hadn't left her sparkling eyes. "It's just that, you drink blood, right?"

I frowned, wondering where she was going with this. I understood that it was a rhetorical question, so I didn't respond.

Biting her lip, to hide a smile or in worry, I didn't know, she continued, "And the taste of the blood itself is different for every species, like human blood, not just a _singer's_, tastes sweeter than animal blood. And amongst animals, their blood each taste different. So, I was wondering . . . if . . ."

"Yes?" I prompted, eager for her to continue.

I should have known that she would be curious about another one of my vampire qualities. As our relationship had progressed, she'd learned qualities about vampires little by little. I couldn't imagine anything left uncovered for her. Surely she knew everything about my kind.

She met my eyes again. "Well, do you ever eat, like . . . fish and stuff?"

There was five seconds of absolute silence in which I stared at her, absolutely incredulous, with my mouth hanging open. The innocent and curious expression on her face, added with the absurdness of her question, caused amusement to bubble up inside of me, and suddenly I was doubled over in raucous laughter.

"Vampires eating _seafood_?" I gasped between chuckles. "You have to be kidding, Bella."

This time, it was _her_ watching me laugh my head off and I didn't feel like stopping. She raised an eyebrow at me, hiding her embarrassment, until I finally settled for chuckling.

"Oh, Bella," I sighed affectionately. "You're silly. But I suppose I adore that about you." I chuckled once more at the question before giving her an answer. "Yes, I suppose you could say that fish have blood in them, but the smell of them is so unappealing. They live in salt water, and though I've never tried it, I suppose it would be quite tiresome to catch a fish, such small creatures, hold them above the water so as to not swallow salt water, and manage to drink whatever little blood they have in them."

I smiled at her, watching her expression as she thought that through.

"Oh," she said after a moment. "What about sharks?"

My eyebrows furrowed. "I really don't know, love. I've never exactly tried them. My family and the Denalis are the only known covens that don't drink _human_ blood. Drinking animal blood is so unheard of in the vampire world; I really doubt anyone has drunk _shark_ blood."

Bella looked rather sheepish as she turned back to the TV screen. I stared at her, still grinning over her curious questions towards our lifestyles. She never failed to surprise me.

My smile faded as I realized something. She still hadn't told me what was so funny that had gotten her laughing for three minutes. I knew for a fact that it wasn't about the vampire fish diet thing. There was something else on her mind that I was eager to uncover.

I tilted her chin back to look into her eyes.

"Bella," I began sternly. "You still haven't told what you were laughing about. You said it was about me?" I reminded her.

"It's nothing, actually," she insisted, but her grin gave her away.

"Bella." I warned, capturing her gaze with mine as I attempted to "dazzle" her.

"Oh, okay," she surrendered, her eyes lighting up with unconcealed glee. "You see that bear?" She gestured to at the TV screen.

I nodded, my eyes flickering only briefly to it. "What about it?"

"Well, you know that I've always had an obsession of wanting to see you hunt, and before you stated that vampires don't eat seafood, I was picturing what you would look like if you hunted . . . a fish," She paused when the giggles overtook her again. ". . . And _that's_ what I imagined you looking like."

She pointed at the TV screen, already giving into the giggles that were erupting out of her. Her previous amusement was back.

The camera was focused on a brown bear which had emerged from the water, a dead fish clamped tightly between his teeth, as it swam back to the shore. It looked absolutely ridiculous with its drenched fur and the silver–scaled fish draped and sagging from its mouth

And Bella had imagined _me _in place of the _bear_. With a _fish_ hanging from my venom–coated teeth.

Bella collapsed on my chest as she burst out laughing at my dumbfounded expression. I rolled my eyes as I tried to preserve whatever dignity I had left.

"No more _Animal Planet_ for you, Miss Swan."

* * *

**AN: **It seemed funnier in my head when _I_ pictured Edward hunting fish, but I've already gone through the effort of creating a quick story around it, so I'm not going to remove it. This is just something silly – a result of the summer's heat waves frying my brain.

**Update:** For those of you interested, I have now written a _spin–off_ to this called, **Edward's Catch**.


End file.
